(as inspired by Iona Community’s Wild Goose Worship Group Resources, Present On Earth, “Four changed lives”, page 183)
Today I felt like Martha:
Cooking, paying the bills, cleaning the sheets for the next guest,
Organizing the next reunion, the next Bible study, the meals for the housebound.
I’m good at doing it all.
I keep it all going in one big balancing act,
Everything, except me.
This busyness is lonely.
Can I ever drop the load?
God says stop.
Sit.
Be.
But my body won’t rest.
And my mind won’t be quiet.
This change is hard.
Today I felt like the paralyzed man:
Restless, wallowing in self-pity, letting others do it for me.
I’ll rely on them to do the making, and the providing, and the reaching out.
I’m good for nothing.
I just want to sit here feeling sorry for myself,
Except the sadness can be overwhelming.
This paralysis is dismal.
Would a miracle require too much of me?
God says get up.
Pick up your mat.
Walk.
But I’m scared.
And my problems are familiar.
This change is uncomfortable.
Today I felt like the rich young ruler:
Eager, doing good, living for God.
I’m the best at not stealing, and not lying, and honoring the Sabbath.
I am blessed.
I want to preserve my godliness and righteousness,
Except it feels like something is missing.
There must be something more.
What can I do to gain abundant life?
God says sell all you have.
Give it to the poor.
Follow me.
But this is ridiculous.
This is asking too much.
This change is impossible.
Today I felt like the woman at the well:
Hiding from scorn, escaping from abuse, accustomed to being used.
I’m a shunned Samaritan woman, and my spirit is broken, and my soul is crushed.
I am carrying my shame.
I will never fit in or belong,
Except there’s a longing to be good.
There’s a longing for a purpose.
Does anyone understand?
God says I understand.
I know you.
I am He.
But am I really worthy?
This change is more than I dared hope.
This change is healing.
Leave a Reply