I’m tired. I’m tired of keeping up with images. Of trying to please. Of trying to fit in. I’m tired of trying to figure out what’s sin and what’s not. I’m tired of working so hard to win the approval of the divine and the mortal. Of making sure I’m not contaminated by anything labeled as secular. Of being more concerned about the bad words than the message behind it. Of being more concerned about the clothes than the heart. Of being more concerned about the law than love. I’m tired of only having to avoid the outward appearance of sin, because as long as it’s hidden I’ll avoid the disapproving stares. I’m tired of having to make sure others know what sin is. Of having to reinforce their depravity when what they need reinforced is worth. Of having to emphasize a future in hell instead of a here-and-now in heaven. I’m tired of constantly having to define what I am against. If this is what is meant by Christianity, it is an exhausting way to live.
But maybe this is not what Jesus really had in mind. Matthew 11:28-30 (MSG) “Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”
Maybe Jesus came to change the expectations. After all, he was accused of gluttony, drunkenness, hanging out with sinners, breaking their religious rules, and of being too inclusive and not hard enough on sin. But we’ve taken after the Pharisees and not Jesus, concerning ourselves with the outward show more than inward transformation. We’ve decided which sins to condemn and which to let slide. We’ve stomped on grace with law. This quote from an outreach team from New Jerusalem Mission spoke deeply to my heart: “Sometimes in an effort to remind people of the cost of the cross, we withhold grace until we are sure they understand their sin. But it is in giving of our grace that we remind people that they need to go to Jesus to find their own. People understand their sin without our help. It’s grace they need help in understanding.”
As I work my way out of the sludge of religious obligation and onto the solid bridge of living loved, I hold onto these verses from Galatians as my lifeline: “What actually took place is this: I tried keeping rules and working my head off to please God, and it didn’t work. So I quit being a “law man” so that I could be God’s man. Christ’s life showed me how, and enabled me to do it. I identified myself completely with him. Indeed, I have been crucified with Christ. My ego is no longer central. It is no longer important that I appear righteous before you or have your good opinion, and I am no longer driven to impress God. Christ lives in me. The life you see me living is not “mine,” but it is lived by faith in (or of) the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I am not going to go back on that. Is it not clear to you that to go back to that old rule-keeping, peer-pleasing religion would be an abandonment of everything personal and free in my relationship with God? I refuse to do that, to repudiate God’s grace. If a living relationship with God could come by rule-keeping, then Christ died unnecessarily.” (2:19-21 MSG)“When you attempt to live by your own religious plans and projects, you are cut off from Christ, you fall out of grace. Meanwhile we expectantly wait for a satisfying relationship with the Spirit. For in Christ, neither our most conscientious religion nor disregard of religion amounts to anything. What matters is something far more interior: faith expressed in love.” (5:5-6 MSG)
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