I want to belong. I want to be part of that tight circle that is laughing, sharing, crying, and caring. I want to feel the security of being accepted. I want to be able to say, “Yep, that’s my group. I am one of them.” I want the comfort of knowing I have a place to go that is mine. This need to belong pulls me. It’s strong. Belonging gives me a sense of worthiness. It gives me a place where I can contribute. I belong to a family. I belong to a church. I belong to a club. I belong to an organization. I belong to a group of friends. It feels good.
But, sometimes, I don’t belong. And it can hurt. I sit on the outside of the circle, looking in at the fun and the giggles and the whispering, craving to be a part, but I’m not. I try to put a pleasant expression on my face and appear to be contented, but I’m not. In new situations, I busily try to look like I know what to do, while everyone else knows their role. It’s awkward. I feel out of place. I want to be known. I want to fit in, but the circle was built without me.
I walk away from these uncomfortable situations, and never go back. Or, I finally connect with someone, and they pull me into the circle. And I learn my place and my role in this new group. I begin to identify with them. I’ve made it to the inside. Now I’m the one joining in the conversations, twittering about the inside jokes, working hard, and belonging. And as I turn my face toward the middle of this circle, I no longer see the outside. I’m in. I’ve made it. I’m feeling good. And I don’t notice the person shrinking in the corner, trying to look like she belongs. I don’t see the person walking away because she doesn’t feel welcome.
Does belonging always lead to exclusion? In some ways, yes, it does. For in order for there to be an “in,” there has to be an “out.” I belong, you don’t. I’m here, you’re there. I’m normal, you’re different. I’m right, you’re wrong. It becomes so easy to reject and ostracize. And we all do it. I do it. Clubs do it…you don’t have enough money to belong here. Churches do it…you don’t adhere to our beliefs. Countries do it….you’re not following our cultural norms. Families do it….you’re not related. Friends do it…you’re much too different. Does it have to be this way? I’ve been struggling with this question. Does belonging always mean rejection of someone else? Maybe it does. But maybe God wants us to hold our “belongings” loosely, so that we’re not facing the inside of the circle, but facing out. Our backs are never turned, and our arms stay open and reaching. We’re not just holding conversations with our own group, but we’re listening and communicating with those on the outside. This challenges me, a natural introvert. It will take deliberate work and a willingness to turn around from the coziness of the circle, and face the outside. It’s easier to stay facing the circle. And it’s safer. But Jesus calls me to more than that. Am I listening?
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