I came across the Greek word apatheia recently. It is defined as a state of mind in which one is not disturbed by their passions. Okay, that sounds a bit odd. This word has been translated as apathy and indifference. So far, the word is sounding rather negative, like something we may want to avoid. But, as I dug a little deeper, I found much more to this word than what it appears on the surface.
Fr. Lev Gillet in Orthodox Spirituality defines apatheia as the fruit of love or charity. Hmmm…what? The fruit of love? He goes on to say, “It is, in reality, the state of a soul in which love towards God and (others) is so ruling and burning as to leave no room for human (self-centered) passions.” Wow. Reflect on that: a love so consuming that it leaves no room for anything else. So it’s not the deadening of feelings, but the consummation of feelings.
In some ways, the first definition of apatheia may appeal to me more. I could easily live in a state of mind where I stuff my feelings and don’t express my emotions. I’ve never been a very demonstrative person when it comes to my emotions. I tend to hold it all in. However, psychologists will tell us that not expressing our emotions takes a very negative toll on one’s mental health. Trying to keep up with appearances by putting on a face of serenity when there is no serenity inside puts too much stress on a person. I know this because I’ve tried it.
So what about the second definition of apatheia? This definition would more closely be translated equanimity (or aplomb – look that one up!), rather than apathy. This was a conviction that some of the early Christian fathers and mothers strove toward. So, what would a practice of this concept look like? Perhaps instead of letting feelings control my actions, it would be a mindful awareness of my feelings and the feelings of those around me. Instead of ignoring feelings, perhaps it would be a sensitivity to others that is grounded in God’s love for me. Instead of overreactions, perhaps it would be an inner peace, or a steadfastness of soul, or serenity, or calmness. Laura Swan defines it as, “Keen attention to one’s inner world as well as to the world in which one has journeyed.” When put into these terms, I can see that apatheia is something I need in my life.
I’m going to put this word somewhere I can see it, so that it can remind me to care about the things I am in control of (mainly myself, my character) as well as those around me, and leave the rest behind (mainly circumstances). I want to let apatheia influence my prayers, teaching me to not ask why, not to ask God to change my circumstances, nor to try to pray my difficulties away, but instead letting prayer be where God can form my character and give me an inner strength that takes me through life’s circumstances with serenity. This prayer isn’t striving to get God to come closer to me or do something miraculous in my circumstances, but about me finding that God is already there. Maybe apatheia can help me to find peace to abide and courage to endure and boldness to love. So then, apatheia is not about denying one’s feelings, but about letting my feelings be rooted deeply in God so that my deepest reality is God and not how I feel in one particular moment. As Matthew 5:3 says, “Blessed are the spiritually empty.” In other words, blessed am I when I am so consumed by the One Deep Love that there is no room for anything else. It is finding that God is there. Life is there. Love is there. And I can be there too.
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